I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
