i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
