Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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