you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
