You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
