i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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