I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
