i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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