drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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