one two three fourrrrnication!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
