1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
