Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
