I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
