OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
