hotel room ftw
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
