Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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