I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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