Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize