There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
