I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
