discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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