if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
