grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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