i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
