Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
