K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
