nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
