We won't sleep together?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think your dad took our porno
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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