it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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