Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a hot homeless man
Screwed.edu
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
