I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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