i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
