So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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