all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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