take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
