So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
