...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
