you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
