lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
