haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
