I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
