You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Rumble strips road head = magical
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
