Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
