I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't put those talents on a resume
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
