How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
