He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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