I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
