too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
