me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to align my fucking chakras
And then he peed in my hair
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