I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
