Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
