speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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