Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
