dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
