my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
