Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

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(713): View more from Texas

He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.

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(407): View more from Florida

Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.

(1-407): View more from Florida

Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.

(407): View more from Florida

Bro? You just made it a target.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging

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(248): View more from Michigan

New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.

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(214): View more from Texas

I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.

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(512): View more from Texas

I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.

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(909): View more from California

Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.

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