Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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