mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize