do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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