wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
