my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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