my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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