were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i drank out of a bidet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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