I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
