Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
