my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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