i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
